The Internet didn’t invent having an affair, but it has supercharged it.
Today’s technologies have made it easier than any other time in history for a married person to have an affair, yet the irony is that it also has never been easier to discover or expose a person who is cheating.
The recent Ashley Madison scandals have offered amusement to those who have not cheated on their partner, but offers an entirely different experience to those that have.
For those of you who had never heard of the Ashley Madison website before the scandal first hit the media limelight on July 12th, it is an infidelity website for people to organize extramarital affairs, i.e. to cheat on their partner.
A team of hackers who refer to themselves as the “Impact Team” recently released their first big dump of data from Ashley Madison and its parent company. Very little is known about the Impact Team and their reasons for taking this action.
Since then, a range of people including journalists, have been pouring over the data exposing many well-known people.
Now what…?
There are many reasons why people justify to themselves why they had an extramarital affair, but cheating on your partner always ends badly for all concerned.
Some people whose name appears on the list could claim identity theft as the site encouraged customers to set up free, anonymous e-mail addresses, thus making it easy for people to not use their real name.
So without any real proof that your partner is having an affair, we advise anyone who finds their partners name on the list to proceed with caution and common sense. Don’t rush to the conclusion that it must be true because your partner’s name is on the list.
What to do if you have been caught…?
The first step is to take responsibility and repair the harm that you have caused to your marriage and the traumatic injury to your partner by admitting that you have had an affair.
It is very hard to tell your partner that you have cheated on them. It is hard because it will hurt them deeply and your confession is a frightening step because it could spell the end of your marriage.
Another reason why it is hard to disclose your affair is that it reveals a personal failing and character weakness about you. It is an extremely shameful thing to do.
Although there are no guarantees that telling your partner about your infidelities will rescue and resuscitate your marriage, there are actions you can do and should not do in order to have a good opportunity to save your marriage.
Do’s and Don’ts to adhere to…
What to Do
1. Tell your partner now; don’t wait till you’re caught,
2. Tell the entire truth of your affair
3. Take full responsibility for your infidelities
4. Seek professional marriage and relationship counselling ASAP
5. Disclose full information about the affair partner(s) to your partner
6. Disclose full sexual activity when your partner asks you about what you did
7. Respect your partner’s reactions, responses and process
What not to Do
1. Don’t try to protect your partner from the full truth of the affair
2. Don’t be defensive
3. Don’t avoid answering the questions
4. Don’t minimize or trivialize any of the details of the infidelity
5. Don’t play semantics with your answers
6. Don’t be evasive with your answers
7. Don’t ‘drip feed’ or what we call ‘trickle truth’ the information of the infidelities to your partner
8. Don’t continue any contact with the affair partner(s)
9. Don’t attempt to protect the affair partner(s)
The message is clear
In short, for those people who have cheated on their partner, the best piece of advice is to simply ‘come clean’ and tell your partner the full and whole truth about your extramarital affairs.
And get professional help asap, before anger and bitterness take over. This is not something you can muddle through on your own.
The Facts:
According to Wikipedia, the “website was launched in 2001. The name of the site was created from two popular female names, Ashley and Madison.
Wikipedia lists the site as a “Canada-based online dating service and social networking service marketed to people who are married or in a committed relationship. The CEO has recently been sacked over the scandal.
The site has more than 124 million visits per month, as of 2015, and is ranked No. 18 among Adult sites. A team of hackers called the “The Impact Group” exposed up to 36 million adulterers.