Managing conflict better
Essential Lessons in Conflict Handling
A few quick pointers to equip couples with some thoughts and knowledge to apply in situations of conflict. They will challenge their understanding of the problems facing them, and so act effectively and respectfully in addressing them.
Resolving ongoing conflict usually comes slowly and it involves the recognition of the need for change in the marriage and an emotional commitment to each other.
Often it is more important to put in all the effort right at the beginning stages just to get the process moving.
When conflict has become a normal part of a relationship and the couple is now willing to seek help, they can honestly address their conflict. Then “talks about talks” must precede “talks about substance” and resolving the issues. The former part better prepares each person for the second part.
Allow plenty of time to collaboratively build the communication processes to enable each person to talk to the other. This will help avoid any stuckness that may threaten the talks largely because the couple built the previous process themselves,
At the heart of all our efforts to resolve conflict is to hold on to or deepen our sense of connection with each other.
Here each person has to maintain an ‘open mind’ to both old and new information that the other person may offer.
Listen to new thoughts and information using a range of skills such as intuition, body sensations and awareness, instinct, or your sixth sense for example.
Both people will then gain a sense of working together on a shared problem rather than feeling blamed or belittled the other.
The capacity for each person to see both the detail and the bigger picture of a situation is important. This is for the analytical, empathic and critical processes, to be able to think both literally as well as symbolically about the point of conflict.
Collaboration in Conversations
A key to collaborative conversations with your partner is to better manage those strong urges that you experience to interrupt your partner while they are talking, or to simply withdraw or shutdown.
Through collaboration, you both will gain a new focus and a new energy that takes you from stagnation and stuck-ness to inspiration and motivation.
You will learn that you, your partner and your marriage are far stronger and deeply connected than you may have thought at the time your started counselling.
In these marriage counselling sessions, you and your partner will learn leading edge communication techniques, problem solving strategies, and ways to both repair and renew your connection with each other.
You both will learn how to better manage your own defences and strong emotions such as anger or disengaging from each other.
Through marriage counselling, the aim is to bring the best out in each other, to build bridges between each other instead of burning them, and to breath new life and energy into your marriage.
We consider marriage counselling to be a collaborative relationship between the marriage counsellor, yourself and your partner.
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