Tips on How to Get to Counselling
Bringing up the subject of counselling can be challenging, and how to do this is a common question that we are asked by people. Both men and women equally experience this challenge of how to encourage a reluctant partner to marriage counselling.
Often couples find themselves at a place where neither person is communicating with the other particularly well, and find that being able to agree on a method for resolving what’s going on is rapidly becoming remote.
Each person is highly likely to have a different view of the problem, or even one person may not even realise that there is a sizeable problem in the marriage. So how do you talk about marriage counselling when this is the situation?
First, your partner must have a solid understanding that healthy relationships need a team approach: if it’s not good for one of you, then it’s not good for both. The relationship will only be good when both of you are happy. The most important thing to do is to refrain from attacking and blaming. This may be more difficult than choosing the actual words that need to be said.
The Basics
Find a neutral environment like a park or a beach that gives both of you a feeling of ease and openness. It is important that your partner does not feel trapped. It should never be sprung upon them, you both must agree to ‘have a talk’. Take care to ensure your discussion cannot be overheard by others, especially your children.
You will need to choose your own words, but the simple points below will help guide you. Hold in your mind as you are talking to your partner that you love the person you are talking to.
» Own the problem, own the solution.
This is very important.
You need to find a way to ‘own’ the desire to find a solution and to put it into action.
» Use “I” statements.
» Listen to your partner, to their concerns
In doing so, don’t listen to the chatter that’s going on in your own head.
» Don’t get into a huge discussion;
Just try to reach a point of consensus on the method of resolving the issues.
» Commit to do what has been agreed upon.
Make the appointment ASAP.
The Barriers
Your partner could put barriers in the way.
» It may be that they fear having to share intimate issues with another person.
» It could be the unknown aspect of attending counselling.
» Not having attended counselling before leaves one with imagination as a guide.
» Typical excuses are travel times, money, not enough time.
These things can be put into perspective with other day to day activities. For example, ‘How long do you travel to get to work? What leisure activities cost a similar amount? What is the cost of not coming to counselling?’
What Can You Do if Your Partner Remains Resistant?
The answer is to look after your. Get advice on the issues that most concern you. You will gain a greater understanding of your issues and you’ll get some answers. Your effort shows your commitment to working on the relationship.
The ultimate outcome of your actions would be that your partner agrees to go to counselling with you.