Tips on how to get to counselling
Bringing up the subject of counselling can be hard and how to do it is a common question. It is the same for men and women alike.
You and your partner have arrived at a place where you may not be communicating well. Being able agree on the method for resolving what’s going on is becoming remote. Each of you may have a different view of the problem, one person may not even realise there is a problem. So how do you talk about counselling when this is the case?
First, your partner must understand absolutely that relationships need a team approach: if it’s not good for one of you it’s not good for both. The relationship will only be good when both of you are happy. The most important thing to do is to refrain from attacking and blaming. This may be more difficult than choosing the actual words that need to be said.
The Basics
Find a neutral environment like a park or beach that gives both of you a feeling of openness. It is important that your partner doesn’t feel trapped. It should never be sprung upon them; you both must agree to have a ‘talk’. Take care to ensure your discussion cannot be overheard.
You will need to choose you own words, but the simple points below will help guide you. Remember you love the person you are talking to, when you choose your words. If you believe in the process of change that counselling can offer then your sincerity and belief will be evident.
Own the problem, own the solution. This is very important. You need to find a way to ‘own’ the desire to find a solution and show it.
1. Use ‘I’ statements.
2. Listen to your partner, to their concerns
3. Don’t get into a huge discussion; just try to reach a point of consensus on the method of resolving the issues.
4. Commit to do what has been agreed upon, make the appointment ASAP.
The Barriers
Your partner could put barriers in the way. It may be that they fear having to share intimate issues with another person.
1. It could be the unknown aspect of attending counselling.
2. Not having attended counselling before leaves one with imagination as a guide.
3. Typical excuses are travel times, money, not enough time.
These things can be put into perspective with other day to day activities. For example How long do you travel to get to work? What leisure activities cost a similar amount? What is the cost of not coming to counselling?
What can you do if your partner remains resistant?
The answer is to look after you. Get advice on the issues that most concern you. You will gain a greater understanding of your issues and you’ll get some answers. Your effort shows your commitment to working on the relationship. The ultimate outcome of your actions would be that your partner agrees to go to counselling with you.